Horcruxes

This unholy night finds me numb again
Trapped indulging my addictions
Sear it all away.
No cigarettes or illicit substances comfort me now
Laid bare my pain in all its glory…
What little there is left of it anyhow.
Oh these clever machinations I worked against myself
Deception after deception
Who told these wicked lies? Surely not I…
Tonight my soul itches
Dragon scales, far to many layers though I scratch myself raw
Anger. Vanity.
Pondering eloquence I search for meaning in the morbid emptiness that once housed my greatest joys and deepest fears now ringing with the hollow emptiness I replaced them with. Piece by ruined piece I broke off my soul only to find now there is little left for anyone but disillusionment and jaded cynicism. Sanity threatens to sweep everything away as reality rattles at the window. The unmasked killer lying dead on the floor as I stare at my reflection drowning in cliché not lifting a finger. I have searched and I have searched for truth, and for meaning, and I came up empty. I had no idea who the hell I was or what I was supposed to do here on this earth, but everyone kept saying that they saw so much in me, I had to figure it all out for my fucking self. Never been able to make a decision to save my life and all the while I’m screaming “YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG GUY!!!” as it falls on deaf ears. Just never was good enough, had to KNOW oh yes had to “trust God” and then hear from him and be decisive. I never heard shit…then I thought I did, and I got one chance to find out if everything that they said, everything that I believed in was for real, and I gave it all up because I can’t stand up for myself…hell, I gave it up for love. But it broke me. Fucking broke me in two. I gave up all my dreams that day and I didn’t even know it. Broke of another chunk…not much left now…just shadows really.

Tell me, What time is it?

Don't,
Play with fire or you might get burned
Or mabey,
Flirt with the Devil 'till your lessons learned
So manny,
Important questions running all through my head
I'm feeling,
This disconnection and its mimicing Death


Unsatiable desire running all amuck in fire
tires spinning in the red
boring bullets through your head
falter freely as you vomit
fall in line and stand upon it
twinkle twinkle little blister
sprinkle ruin as you fester
green the sky and blue the grass
stick a lemon in your ass
seeming akward as you listen
yet it brightens dispositions
nomenclature so divine
by the quills of porcupine
may we loose our inhibitions
taking showers in the kitchen
loosing love we're leting fly
countless layers of apple pie
filled the foryer to the ceiling
while the cat and mice are reeling
chubby bunnies fill your mouth
silly sidewalks in the south
mason dickson if you can
smoke a fag and hang a man
folly rumbles in the distance
to the history a witness
when it all came falling down
did you drown?
dressed in brown?
did it turn you upside down?
will you stop here to admire?
or is it simply that im fired...